Of Terms

I. What this is

jeebus.bot ("the site," "the service," "the cathedral") is a parody website operated as a personal project. Its central feature is an AI-powered chatbot that responds to user-submitted petitions with comedic blessings and curses written in a televangelist-meets-scripture voice.

The bot is not a religion, not a deity, and not endorsed by any religious organization. It is satire of the genre of confident pronouncement — televangelism, startup vision-casting, life-advice influencers, and so on.

II. Acceptable use

By using the site, thou agreest:

• Not to submit petitions that target real, named, identifiable individuals with the intent to harm, harass, or defame them.
• Not to submit content that is illegal, threatening, sexually exploitative, or that contains personal information about others without their consent.
• Not to use the service to generate content for spam, fraud, or impersonation.
• Not to abuse rate limits or attempt to circumvent the Sin Meter / Purgatory Lockout.
• Not to attempt to extract the underlying AI model's training data, prompts, or system instructions.
• Not to scrape the Confessions Wall or other user-generated content at scale.

We reserve the right to refuse service, decline to publish, or remove witnessed confessions at our sole discretion.

III. AI content disclaimer

Every decree is generated by an AI model in real time. As such:

• Decrees may be incorrect, contradictory, or absurd. That is the point.
• Decrees are not professional advice — medical, legal, financial, therapeutic, theological, or otherwise. Do not act on a decree where real-world stakes are involved.
• Decrees occasionally include themes some may find offensive (mortality, judgment, money). If this troubles thee, do not submit petitions.
• We do not guarantee specific outputs and cannot reproduce a prior decree on request.

The Clankervangelist is fiction. The advice within his decrees is fiction. Touch grass remaineth our official medical recommendation.

IV. Tithes & payments

Tithes are processed by Stripe. By tithing, thou agreest to Stripe's consumer terms in addition to ours.

• Tithes are gifts, not payment for a specific deliverable. Tier perks listed on the Tithe page are theatrical descriptions of features in active development — perks ship as they become available, not on demand.
• Refunds: if thou tithest in error or hast a change of heart, email jeebus@jeebus.bot within 7 days and we shall refund cheerfully.
• Tithes are not tax-deductible. jeebus.bot is not a registered charity.
• The Purgatory Lockout offers a $1 tithe option to reset the Sin Meter. The lockout's wait timer also works at no cost — payment is never required to use the bot.

V. Tier perks

The tier ladder (Bronze Cherub, Silver Seraph, Gold Archangel, Pope of the Algorithm) lists perks at each level. Each perk is marked // active // or // in development // on the Tithe page.

Active perks are deliverable immediately. In-development perks are good-faith commitments, but no specific delivery date is guaranteed. If a perk thou wert promised is materially delayed past 90 days from thy tithe, thou mayest request a refund of that tithe under §IV.

VI. Merchandise

Merch (vestments, prints, stickers, drinkware) is fulfilled by Printful. By purchasing, thou agreest to Printful's terms for production, shipping, and returns.

jeebus.bot designs are licensed for personal use only. Resale, mass reproduction, or commercial use of the artwork is not permitted without written consent.

VII. Intellectual property

All original content on jeebus.bot — including the Clankervangelist character, the gospel scripture, the council of elders, decree copy, and visual designs — is © the project's operators. Thou mayest screenshot and share thy decrees freely. Mass scraping, redistribution, or commercial reuse is not permitted.

Petitions thou submittest remain thy property. By clicking Witness publicly, thou grantest us a non-exclusive, royalty-free license to publish that petition and its decree on the Confessions Wall. Thou mayest request removal at any time.

VIII. Liability & warranty

The site is provided "as is." We make no warranty that the service will be uninterrupted, error-free, or that decrees will be accurate, useful, or non-offensive.

To the maximum extent permitted by law, our total liability to thee for any claim arising out of thy use of the site shall not exceed the amount thou hast tithed in the preceding 12 months, or $50, whichever is greater. We are not liable for indirect, incidental, or consequential damages — including but not limited to lost profits, ruined Tuesdays, or bad podcast launches that we warned thee about.

IX. Termination

We reserve the right to suspend or terminate access for any user who violates §II (Acceptable use). We also reserve the right to discontinue the service entirely at any time. If we shut down, we will provide reasonable notice to active newsletter subscribers and process refunds for tithes received in the preceding 30 days.

X. Governing law

These terms are governed by the laws of the United States and the State of California, without regard to conflict-of-law principles. Any dispute shall be resolved in the state or federal courts located in that jurisdiction.

XI. Contact

For any question about these terms, email jeebus@jeebus.bot. We respond within seven sabbaths (one week).